Wait a moment. WHAT THE FUCK IS A SPLATOON 3.
Splatoon 3 is a PVP online shooter where you can commit drown by a water gun at any given moment. Splatoon has 6 Gamemodes to play.
Turf War. The objective of the game in Turf War is to spread your color ink all across the map and eliminate other players in the process. Once you win a Turf War you will receive XP and in-game currency. Turf war is also the game where you can cause squid parties and chaos at any given moment.
Ranked Battles. You push yourself to not focus on the ground but focus on a specific point on the map. The various modes in Ranked Battle are Splat Zones, Rainmaker, Tower Control, and Clam Blitz. Ranked Battles also take 90172839127389 years to find 1 match. And everyone else DOESN’T GIVE A F*CK ABOUT YOU AND STEALS THE RAINMAKER TO HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON IN THEIR HANDS.
In Splat Zones the creator of Splatoon 3 is messing with your head and making it so that you can only ink a small area of the map to win. If you keep control and make the countdown go to zero, you win. If the other team’s countdown goes to zero, you lose and your friends may say you have a skill issue.
In Rainmaker you have to bring an unstable nuclear weapon to a pedestal near the opponent’s spawn. But unlike Splatoon 2, there are now 2 pedestals to place the nuclear weapon. The first one is the checkpoint. You are likely to die the moment the weapon is placed on the pedestal because there are likely to be enemy players with blasters and Splatershots everywhere the moment it is placed. If you are able to kill the other players and bring it to the second pedestal, you win. If the enemy team brings the weapon to the first and second pedestal, you lose.
In Tower Control you and your team have to stay on a small tower and ride it all the way to the enemy base. There are 3 checkpoints where you have to wait 5 seconds to continue. Most enemy players are likely to attack you the moment you reach a checkpoint. If you want to survive, you need a weapon with a big bubbler. The big bubbler special will block incoming attacks (unless an enemy is inside the bubbler). When you reach the finish line, you win. If the enemy team reaches the finish line first, you lose.
In Clam Blitz, you have to pick up unborn children until you have a football made out of clams. (What?!) If you have a football you must take it to the basket and pop the basket. Once the basket is popped, your team can throw clams (aka unborn children) and throw them into the basket for points. When the basket has its casing again, the enemy team will receive a free football of clams. And vice versa. When you receive the football, rally up your team to eliminate the other players and throw the football into the basket. If the basket is open but there is another football, you can throw it into the basket for 20 points. The game ends once a team receives 100 points.
In Ranked Battles you have something called a rank. (Wow, how surprising.) The lowest rank is C-. If you are C-, you have a real skill issue. The highest rank you can reach is S+50. If you have this rank you are probably a Splatoon-addict because there are very few players carrying this rank. The average rank that you want to stay at is A to S+. Do not risk going above the S+ rank; you have to pay a ton of points to fight as an S+. If you get to S+ by accident (sure..), just drop your rank to S or S-.
X Battles are what happen if you make it to S+0 and want to experience pain and suffering. It’s basically Ranked Battles but there are so many sweaty tryhards that the moment you go in the game your teammates will automatically die. If you somehow win enough games, your X Rank goes up and you can see how bad you are at the game. Then you grind the entire day just to make it to the top 500 until you realize that someone already took your spot the next day. Then you go back in the grind until the cycle repeats over and over until your life is one big X Battle.
The campaign of Spoon is kinda strange and I fucking love it.
In the Splatoon 3 campaign you start by seeing a 100 year old man who somehow finds out that his camp has been surrounded by fuzzballs for 10 weeks. You also have a little in-game buddy. You have a smallfry salmon as your pet. You can get power eggs and use little buddy to consume the fuzzballs. Once you have done all the starter levels and stuff, you have to do a pre-boss fight on fighting the one and only DJ Octavio. Once you defeat him, he says he did not steal the great zapfish, which is kinda sus because he has stolen the zapfish twice in the past.
Then all of a sudden the floor collapses and you are taken to a small arctic facility underground in what seems to be an abandoned dwelling the humans had left behind. There you meet the one and only Callie and Marie along with the old Agent 3, who becomes the captain. Since Agent 3 is captain now, YOU become Agent 3.
You then have to go into the Splatoon 2 DLC and complete 4 levels to find the exit to World 2.
Once you make it to World 2, repeat the same and find the exit. Once you get to the exit, you will have a boss fight. (Fun fact, you have to fight Frye from Deep Cut.) Once you have defeated the boss, you can move to World 3. At World 3, you start seeing references to Salmon Run. Definitely not clues to the final boss fight. In World 4, you have to fight Shiver from Deep Cut and defeat her to go to world 5. In World 5 you can see that the old man (AKA Cuttlefish) is trapped on the rocket in the middle of the arctic area. In World 6 you have to fight the big man from Deep Cut, which can be challenging because there are a ton of big man stans. Once you have defeated Big Man, you can go to the first island to create a giant hair cutting device, which the retired Agent 3 can use to remove the giant fuzzball surrounding the rocket, where Cuttlefish is on. Once you complete a bunch of levels (where you have to suffer infinitely and find references to Splatoon 2 DLC), you find Cuttlefish dried as a fresh squid. But then the captain’s tear makes him alive (kind of like in a Disney movie).
Then you find out that Mr. Grizz, the CEO of Grizzco, is a giant 20 foot bear that wants to turn the world into a fuzzball. He uses the rocket to leave and escape to turn the world into a fuzzball. You follow the bear onto the rocket. You then have to get golden eggs to eat fuzzballs and defeat Mr. Grizz. Once he is defeated, you go onto phase 2, where you can use Octavio’s machine to turn his floating machine into a car wash. Once you vacuum up the bear you basically save the world.
Anyway, I love this game, its maps and the Splatfests. I give this game… a 9.9999999999 / 10.
not enough arson